Yet, here I am so willingly submitting to the Will of God... admittedly, at times not completely... but more than I ever dreamed I would or even could! Following God's Voice, listening to Him and then doing as He requests has been as enlightening as you might expect... and as humbling as you might hope. To be led to do things, share things, say things that to the world seem so strange, foreign and confusing at times is both gratifying and scary. Following this new path so unfamiliar, my dependence on the Holy Spirit growing every step of the way.
I'm being judged. That's been made clear. Not just by strangers, but also by some in my family and a few of the friends I love so dear. Some look upon me with a skeptical eye... especially if my questions and evolving beliefs go against the status quo or the accepted norm. My friends and family possibly questioning my motives or my "new" spiritual identity... withdrawing from the perceived unfamiliarity of my ways.
Sigh. It just feels like rejection from some of those closest to me. Yet with this I am forced to remember to let go of the need for other's acceptance and approval... forgiving them for I am sure they are unaware of my earthly need to feel like they care. I need to move beyond this need anyway, so for this I should be grateful!
I've realized so much of all of this "God-talk" can make others totally uncomfortable, at times literally scaring people... even those who know me well. One or two even questioning if the Voice might be something other than our Living Holy God. I'm not sure where this comes from. Perhaps they are not in agreement with some of my stated beliefs. Perhaps I don't seem good enough, loving enough, or worthy to engage in these discussions... and with this I totally agree!
I know I am no better and no more deserving of God's favor than anyone else. I'm not any more special or valuable to God than any other. I am loved the same by God as the atheist... and the atheist is loved no less than Billy Graham. Yes, it's true... I'm a mess! At times I indulge in pity parties... this post being a small example of that! Yet, faults, imperfections, and all I've been chosen, as are you, to fulfill a purpose. I'm just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life... with an extraordinary God leading the way.