Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Confessions Of A Newbie Spiritual Blogger...

Have you ever paused for a moment in your spiritual journey and wonder how you got there? I guarantee if you would have told me where my walk with God would lead me I would have scoffed and believed you had lost touch with reality! I wouldn't believe I would find myself writing my 33rd post on a spiritually driven blog! Nor imagine I would be the administrator of a Facebook page devoted to Spiritual encouragement and inspiration!

Yet, here I am so willingly submitting to the Will of God... admittedly, at times not completely... but more than I ever dreamed I would or even could! Following God's Voice, listening to Him and then doing as He requests has been as enlightening as you might expect... and as humbling as you might hope. To be led to do things, share things, say things that to the world seem so strange, foreign and confusing at times is both gratifying and scary. Following this new path so unfamiliar, my dependence on the Holy Spirit growing every step of the way.

I'm being judged. That's been made clear. Not just by strangers, but also by some in my family and a few of the friends I love so dear. Some look upon me with a skeptical eye... especially if my questions and evolving beliefs go against the status quo or the accepted norm. My friends and family possibly questioning my motives or my "new" spiritual identity... withdrawing from the perceived unfamiliarity of my ways. 

I know I shouldn't care if some of my closest friends and family aren't interested in my blogging and spiritual pondering. After all, I'm not writing for others, but for God and for my own peace. Yet, even in my closest circle I've noted some seem totally uninterested in my blogging and the corresponding Not Just A Blonde Facebook page. I have come to be SO thankful to those who give me small words of encouragement or respond with a comment or simple 'like' to let me know they like what I've written. Many of those providing encouragement and feedback are people who have stumbled on my path who I don't even know! I'm thankful for those who I have connected with thus far... such as Tim Chastain who runs a Christian blog Jesus Without Baggage... who has consistently given me encouragement as I too lay my spiritual heart on-line for all to see.

Sigh. It just feels like rejection from some of those closest to me. Yet with this I am forced to remember to let go of the need for other's acceptance and approval... forgiving them for I am sure they are unaware of my earthly need to feel like they care. I need to move beyond this need anyway, so for this I should be grateful!

Talking about God and Spiritual things can immediately separate me from certain people... some just not interested in Spiritual matters. Strangers who don't know God may oft misjudge me. That is totally understanding. For starts, because of the Christian religion's bad rap. If one speaks of God, or worse, Jesus Christ, one can be pegged as one of those "religious people", a "Christian freak", or worse judgmental, haughty, elitist, or just totally un-relatable! Others see God as irrelevant and are just not that interested in me and my spiritual discussions.

Craving more Earthly spiritual companionship may be one of the reasons I considered writing this blog. Sharing my thoughts, observations and frustrations with the possibility of connecting with others about their thoughts, insights, and fears as well. Alas, I sometimes I feel isolated and lonely... yet I have become more and more grateful to those few loving souls who do choose walk and talk with me along the way.

In seeking Truth I wonder why is there so much fear and skepticism from others as we follow our God directed path? And more, when others don't understand us, judge us, and pull away from us... why does it hurt so much? To some I'm either a believer or a deceiver, religious or a pagan, I'm either good or I'm evil, I'm right or I'm wrong, I'm IN or I'm OUT, either saved... or damned to Hell. 

I sometimes feel misunderstood and can sense their judgment. Some may simply fear I am veering away from the well trodden path. If it weren't for the Peaceful, Loving Voice of God and His Presence I too might question what the heck I am doing! Sometimes I question myself why He leads me to do certain things, but with Faith I listen with curiosity on where He might lead me.

I've realized so much of all of this "God-talk" can make others totally uncomfortable, at times literally scaring people... even those who know me well. One or two even questioning if the Voice might be something other than our Living Holy God. I'm not sure where this comes from. Perhaps they are not in agreement with some of my stated beliefs.  Perhaps I don't seem good enough, loving enough, or worthy to engage in these discussions... and with this I totally agree!

I know I am no better and no more deserving of God's favor than anyone else. I'm not any more special or valuable to God than any other. I am loved the same by God as the atheist... and the atheist is loved no less than Billy Graham. Yes, it's true... I'm a mess! At times I indulge in pity parties... this post being a small example of that! Yet, faults, imperfections, and all I've been chosen, as are you, to fulfill a purpose. I'm just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life... with an extraordinary God leading the way.


11 comments:

  1. Always the trend setter, let me be one of the first from your "inner circle" (whereever that is)to set the record straight. I read this, I know why you write it, and, as always, I encourage you to do so....you are such a Blonde!

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  2. Anonymous, thank you for your encouragement! My inner circle are those poor folks that have either known me for years and call me family or my friends that put up with my blondness and seem to like me... or (gasp) love me nonetheless! ;)

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  3. When you follow God you will be judged by both Christians and the secular crowd. Some will not judge you until you go stepping on toes with the Gospel then you will find out what is really in their hearts. When that happens you tend to find that you may have created a great gulf with your family as a result.

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  4. You're right... in many ways I cannot escape others judgement. I'm praying though that with God's help & Love I can keep the gulf of separation away and we can agree to disagree but still hold each other close at heart. :) Thanks for your thoughts.

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  5. Do you even read the Bible? So many of your posts and beliefs are completely against the Bible. Do you think the Bible changes? It doesn't. No matter what you say or think. The Bible doesn't "evolve" as you say you are doing. The Bible was written by God through his Apostles and is the same today, forever and always. I shudder to think of the people you have influenced and possibly turned against the truth, and I shudder even more to think the punishment you will pay for that someday. I urge you to read the Bible, not decide stuff on your own. Or at the very least for goodness sakes stop spreading this crap if you insist on believing it.

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  6. Dear Anonymous, I humbly thank you for caring so much about my salvation and the salvation of others to write a response on this blog post. It is unclear to me if you've read each post or a only a selective few to come to your conclusions. Without any examples it is difficult to understand which of my beliefs go against your understanding of the Bible.

    As I have stated in the descriptive paragraph of this blog I do welcome others insights and views on the topics I explore! I've yet to meet two Christians who believe and behave exactly alike. I feel strongly that God uses our uniqueness and the uniqueness of others to challenge us and to help us grow (or as you stated "evolve") into the people God needs us to be. With our individual gifts and callings we can work together to further His Kingdom.

    I also want to whole heartedly assure you that I do read the Bible on a regular basis. Not only do I read the Bible but I re-read it as well, prayerfully, for better understanding. I have also taken time to research for the cultural context of the Bible for further understanding.

    And I pray and I pray and I pray. Then I listen. Am I perfect? No! Yet God uses me to share His Hope and Love. This I know with a Peace and assurance that only God can bring!

    Will I mess up? Yes! With those mistakes come lessons, just as those written about in the Bible... but with lessons come learning and growth. My blog is about my journey with God and to God. If it doesn't resonate with you, that's okay... God will lead you elsewhere. If it leads you to share with me specifically, respectfully, lovingly how you feel different please respectfully & lovingly share. If this blog inspires even one person to find our God of Love then God has used me for His Purpose.

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    1. Blonde, your response to Anon is well stated--firm yet friendly. There will continue to be many who make such accusations; I am glad you are not intimidated.

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  7. Always love hearing your words, Ann! You are a light to all those who know you, and a seeker of the Truth!!!

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  8. Hi Blonde,

    Somehow I missed this post when it originally came out. Thanks for your kind words about me. I appreciate it and I appreciate your blog.

    ~Tim

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  9. Tim, and I appreciate you! I'm blogging here and on Wordpress for now... not sure which one will win out... but I'm grateful for your blog, your support and your loving spirit! :) I'm so happy our spiritual paths crossed!!! I pray others can find your blog and feel as encouraged and renewed as I have by your writings!

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