We Must First Forgive Ourselves...

You cannot give what you do not have. Be patient with yourself, forgive yourself, and love yourself... and then you can offer patience, forgiveness and love to others.

❤ Not Just A Blonde

Choosing Forgiveness... Choosing Love

How could I ever forgive them? Look at what they did! They are so undeserving, hateful, mean, annoying, selfish, arrogant, strange, conceited, unlovable...

We may not think those thoughts specifically, but the deep down the thoughts are there. We know we need to forgive those who have hurt us, but we just don't see how we can! God loves them.. well... cause He's God! How am I suppose to just look the other way & turn the other cheek on something so clearly not right?

And so we stand still in the middle of Forgiveness' road. Stopped dead in our tracks unable to move towards the goal. We are stuck in the thick of the struggle...to love the humanly unlovable seems impossible... too difficult of a task to achieve!

The obstacles on our path of forgiveness can be countless... boulders or pebbles all blocking our path, keeping us from moving forward. Removing the obstacles to love is the secret. Seeing that person and defining them not by what they have done wrong... but loving them for what they've done right.

We must focus on that bit of inherent good that is in each of us. Focusing on their strengths, their gifts, looking for what we like about them... or our dreams for them. Forgiving truly begins by looking at the ones who hurt us through the lens of love. It's through this lens we see others as Christ sees them...and also how he sees you & me.

Coming Face to Face with Forgiveness...

So, I've chosen forgiveness...but when I come face to face with my transgressor or even if they come to mind I feel like I have to chose forgiveness All. Over. Again. Each time I'm hoping that this will be the last time I experience agitation or resentment when confronted with the past. Sometimes after weeks, or even years, the pain reappears and can suck me right back to those feelings of loss and betrayal that I experienced long ago. How could this be when I honestly thought I let it go?

Perhaps it's because forgiveness is not just a one time thing but also a process. Oh, if forgiveness were only a switch to be flipped...when flipped from GRUDGE to FORGIVE it would result in Peace eternal! If it were that easy many marriages would be saved from divorce, families would never be divided and friendships would last forever! For even the well intended forgiver can find that being around the person that wounded them is just too painful to bear! Faced with their inability to truly forgive it is just easier to let them go (or sometimes shove them) out of their lives forever and (try) to move on.

Knowing you should forgive, even telling yourself that you have forgiven doesn't always translate to a true healing or wholeness...but why? I believe it's because the true essence of forgiveness is misunderstood. Forgiveness is simple but it is much more than a "right decision" to be made, but a true ongoing change of the soul.

I've heard of some pretty amazing forgiveness stories in my time...and I continue to hear them, even today! A wife who has forgiven her husband for repeated adultery, parents who have lost children due to murder who have forgiven their killer, and grown children who have forgiven those who have violated their innocence. Their stories inspire me to search my heart and purge my spirit of my petty resentments & grudges, for if they can forgive their transgressors how can I justify withholding forgiveness from mine? I watch as they take the bold path of Forgiveness...choosing the only path that offers true healing & hope.

Forgiveness is a decision and a process...the choice to start to look within ourselves...and the process of learning to love as God would have us do on Earth as it is in Heaven. Forgiveness truly is a change of vision in how we SEE our fellow brother or sister. To forgive someone is to love them and not withhold this gift due to their wrongdoings. To forgive someone is to see Gods Creation and see that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made! For what could be wonderful in God's eyes that is not worthy of love in our lives?

In facing Forgiveness we are brought face to face with the willingness to truly love as Christ loves us. Facing forgiveness means taking the time to think about the transgressor as God would, as one of His children just like you & me. You remember we are all equal in His eyes...and we are loved no less nor more by our actions. We are saved & forgiven by Grace.

Facing forgiveness has been one of the best things I've done for myself. Sometimes forgiveness has been automatic, and other times it has taken (and is taking) time...but it is always worth it! My life is better after facing Forgiveness...and I assure you, yours will be too!

Forgiveness...Why Bother?

I got my list, do you have yours? I bet most of us can come up with a list of people who have done us wrong in one way or another...and just the thought of what transgressions were made or even just thinking of the guilty party that made them brings back the pain, the frustration...the feelings of loss and betrayal.

We deserved better...we would never have done that to anyone! How could they? How can anyone ever forgive THAT?! And likely the pain feels nearly as real as the day the transgression occurred...with us white knuckling our version of forgiveness. Never even trying to forget. Forgetting would be weakness and vulnerability...the chance of somehow the pain occurring again and again and again...

Many resist forgivenesses call because somehow it seems linked to condoning the transgression...or minimizing the pain their sinful act caused, and yet somehow we know that unless we embrace forgiveness we will not embrace Peace.

This is something I struggle with of course. Just when I think I've let my grievances go to God I come face to face with my transgressor and...BAM! I'm back in the trenches fighting for my sanity & peace of mind! And then I begin again...why am I bothering?

I bother because I want Peace, I want closeness to my Creator. On a visceral level I have begun to realize that I am the only one standing in the way of just that!

Forgiveness is what God has offered us free of charge...whenever we are willing to accept it...if He could offer it to me, how could I not try my best to offer it to others? I bother because He wants me free of the lingering resentment & pain. I bother because He promises it will be worth the choosing. I bother because He bothered about lil' ol' me.