I'm Not Gay, So Why Do I Care?

Recently, I was asked by my husband, after a fairly impassioned pro-gay rights rant: "You're not gay, so why do you care?" He asked, not in a jerky-judgmental way, but in a I-don't-know-why-you're-so-worked-up kinda way. After all, I'm a heterosexual, middle-age, middle-class, working mom. I live the American tradition. I teach Sunday School. I love Jesus. My life would not change directly one bit if gay marriage ever passes or not. What then is my problem?

Homosexual and Transgender romantic love was not a cultural phenomenon in Biblical times. Same gender sex happened, sure! I'm not talking here about same gender lust... I am taking about romantic committed consensual love... a partnership, a family. Such an institution was not explored not discussed... homosexual activity was just about the sex.

Much research has been done on the sexual immorality during Biblical times. Soldiers would have their sexual drives fulfilled by abusing young boys, or by the use of prostitutes both male and female. This is not homosexual love.

When strangers would come from other lands men would dominate the visitor by taking him against his will. This is not homosexual love. Heterosexual men would choose to have sex with other men simply out of lust and hedonistic desire. Sex to dominate and control. This is not homosexual love.

I have no problem with identifying lust as a sin, however this applied to all... no matter the sexual orientation.  Committed marriage is God's loving solution to the strong desires of the flesh. Sex between same gender individuals is often (due to our current laws) out of wedlock, thus sinful in the eyes of God. 

God created us with the need to love as well as He created us to find comfort and blessing in our beloved's arms. THIS IS HOW HE CREATED US. To deny a same-sex couple to marry  is to deny them the blessings of God. How can this be love?

All it takes to learn what homosexual love is us to listen to your gay brother or lesbian sister. You can be a part of their lives and hear their heartaches. Listen to their hearts... listen to their stories.  You don't even have to get of your couch! 

Read UNFAIR from cover to cover. A book written by a heterosexual married male that shares my calling to spread God's Love. In this book there are stories of real people, with real heartaches, and a God that wants to comfort them through US... not because of us! 

Homosexuals aren't deviant sex addicts. Homosexuality isn't just about hedonistic sex with someone who's the same gender... anymore than heterosexuality is about strippers or one-night stands with someone of the opposite gender. C'mon guys! Get your head out of the gutter! It's about L-O-V-E.

What if homosexuals feel the EXACT same way about their beloved as you do with yours? What if loving the opposite gender was wrong? How would you handle the shame? The loneliness? The societal rejection? How would you cope with the church's judgement? How would YOUR heart ache?

No matter how advanced your imagination it would be difficult to truly understand the pain and separation that the homosexuals feel unless you truly have walked in his or her shoes. At the end of the day we can go home to our beloved and know that our love will be treated  with honor and respect. 

Within a hetero-marriage we can legally be married with all the special rights, benefits and privileges this social contract provides. We can feel smug that when we have our physical and sexual needs met that we are blessed by God and not judged by others. We can feel accepted and whole.

As a heterosexual have never been judged by others for my love or choice to have a family! My 16+
years of marriage is celebrated and revered by society and my church as an accomplishment and spiritual victory over flesh... not as a defeat! 

I'm not gay... so why DO I care? I care because I am called to love my neighbor as myself! I care because the LGBT community is filled with people who are feeling and experiencing anything but love. Not only are we, as Christians, not loving them; we are judging them out of our own fears and misconceptions. We are using God's Word as we understand it to hurt those very outcasts we are called to love! I care because I love.

❤Not Just A Blonde

Colossians 3:12-14 ~ Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Who Do You Think You Are?

The essence of who we really are is not what the world sees nor the characteristics or roles that we often define ourselves by; we are not our age, our gender; we are not our height, our weight nor our BMI; we are not our race, our hair color nor our nationality; we are not our marital-status, our socioeconomic-class nor our sexual-orientation!

We each appear very different from the world's view! Yet, from Heaven's perspective we are all the same! We are eternal spirits... and children of a loving eternal God.

We should not judge each other; nor should we claim special favor above any other. We should always remember we are loved no less than any other on this Earthly Plane... as we are all His Children! He created us each uniquely with the important mission of helping bring His children Home through LOVE.

❤Not Just A Blonde

Not Just A Blonde's Thoughts on Sin...

Sin isn't about breaking the rules, it's about playing the wrong game. With sin, you will never truly win.

When you choose sin over Spirit you choose darkness over Light.

Sin separates us from God and from feeling His Love. God never stops loving His Creation, however in sin we are unable to feel His Love upon us. In sin we may doubt God, but He is always there waiting for us to turn towards Him again.

By settling for a life of sin we accept trash in place of treasure! Within sin's grasp we are missing out on the richness that a life in alignment with Him can offer!

Sin wants us to believe it can replace God, but sin is a cruel lie. Sin eventually leaves us feeling anxious and alone.

Sin is death, Spirit is Life.

Sin is a choice to live outside His Perfect Plan... choosing our will over His own. We have the ability to choose pain over Peace. God calls us to Peace, however gives us the freedom to choose.

❤Not Just A Blonde

Worry Is Not A Friend... But A Frienemy!

Worrying. We all do it from time to time, but does it help us or hurt us? I used to think it was helpful and that without it I might make a wrong decision or my life might veer off track. I used worry as a compass and hoped it would give me special insights and lead me the right way.

Seriously, I felt like if I didn't mentally fret over my current situation or future that I might somehow lose my foothold and my life would land in a ditch! The infinite mental "what if's" would keep me up at night and anxious. I'd even worry that without my worrying I might "miss something" and live a life of regret!

Ironically, looking back, one of my biggest regrets is... worrying. I felt like I had to do this life-thing on my own. I was solely responsible for how my life turned out. If I failed it was all on me. All my fault. With failure I'd be alone and... unloveable.

Feeling overwhelmed with this heavy burden called "my life", I was utterly stressed out! I didn't lean on my Higher Power (God) until after many years when I finally realized I was powerless with my worry. Worry and I were not working out!

I was no longer in control... worry, stress, anxiety and fear were my masters. I lost my way. No time for love, for peace or for joy as I attempted to sooth my fears and loneliness on my own. I realized worry was NOT my friend... but a true "frienemy". Worry looks like a friend on the surface, but is a saboteur beneath it's "helpful" facade.

My addictive attempts at self-soothing only led me to more worry. My way of worrying only bringing me to more of itself. Nothing I could plan or ponder ever once changed the future, except for making me feel more drained and emotionally bankrupt upon it's arrival.

Worry is a mental addiction. Like a broken record it delivers nothing new but the same old tune again and again. Instead of making a positive change or walking down a positive path worry holds us hostage keeping us from following our Purpose, from listening to His Voice of direction and hope.

Worry is a false god. Yes, worshipped and listened to above all other voices, most specifically God's. Worry offers us false hope, far away from the promise of peace and the Purpose God has for us!

Instead of "Letting Go and Letting God" we hold onto worry. We worry in an attempt to control the uncontrollable. We look to worry for direction and companionship instead of looking to God. When we worry we forget about the One True God that has us all in His Loving care.

Let's let go of worry! Let's reclaim our mind and join our minds with God's instead! Let's never again confuse care and concern for worry. Let's stop believing in worry's lie of self-sufficiency and let go of our false sense of control. Let's stop this destructive behavior and instead hand our worries, our thoughts and fears to God!

Without worry monopolizing our mind we will now be open to God's direction and guidance! Heeding His voice we can truly be led towards peace, love and happiness! Letting go of worry lets us now lean on Him and rest in His arms of Love!

❤ Not Just A Blonde

Matthew 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?"

A Hateful Situation... (Part One)

Man, am I struggling! Even though I know what's right, I'm having a very time actually following God's instructions. My spirit is willing but my flesh is super-duper weak!

What's wrong? I'm in the thick of intense dislike of another person. I can't stand them. I loathe them! They annoy me... frustrate me... infuriate and disgust me! Basically, I am giving away all of my peace as I hold onto this hate.

I'm not sure why I cannot shake it! It's not like she killed someone, robbed a bank or victimized an innocent child! Alas, her transgressions are much less dramatic than these, but hard for me to let go nonetheless!

Why do I hate her? Let me count the ways...

#1) She's a bully! She enjoys making less secure younger folks feel, well... insecure.

#2) She's passive-aggressive. She repeatedly doesn't do what is needed to make other's lives more difficult!

#3) She's a constant complainer. Under the premise of "wanting things to be better" she complains about all that is wrong, but her "solutions" are often self-serving or worse than the problem she is going on and on about!

#4) She's a two-faced back stabber! She will frequently bad mouth others behind their backs. She is quick to point out other people's mistakes... drawing unnecessary attention to other people's flaws. She's vindictive and would not hesitate to sabotage another if she thought she could get away with it!

#5) When she messes up she never takes full responsibility. She is quick to point to other people who are to blame. Even if it's untrue.

#6) She's insincere. She says one thing when we ALL know she feels quite the opposite.

#7) She's a know-it-all. She can live other people's lives better than her own.

#8) She's abrasive! She hurts other people's feelings ALL the time because she doesn't stop to THINK before she SPEAKS.

#9) She delegates jobs to other people when it would take less time if she just DID it herself! She does this because she is...

#10) ARROGANT. She thinks she is better, smarter, more knowledgable, of more value, more competent and capable than everyone else... including those with more experience, knowledge, and credentials.

I'm doomed. I see no hope in loving this soul. And yet... I'm called to FORGIVE her... and LOVE her. C'mon Jesus! Really? REALLY?
But how?!

I think the first thing I'm supposed to do is to take the log out of my own eye, right? Fine.. I'm NOT perfect! But I'm not a mean girl either... I'm not guilty of the intolerable traits she possesses! Obviously I need to learn to accept her for who she is and where she's at. What I'm lacking is compassion!

In fact, part if the reason I began this writing rant is in an attempt to find resolution and peace amidst this frustrating and losing situation! I HATE feeling this way!

Those that know me well know I rarely dislike anyone... those that know me very well know how much I love 99.9% of people! I appreciate their differences, their uniqueness and quirkiness... faults n' all!

And so I went to prayer...

Me: Okay God, what should I DO?
God: Do you want to be RIGHT or do you want PEACE?
Me: I think I've heard a version of this before... I know where you're headed with this.
God: And?
Me: (Deep inhale, followed by a long exhale) .... Peace.
God: Offer her joy. Offer her Peace.
Me: Huh?
God: Be positive and affirming towards her. Abstain from negative thoughts of her. Cease any negative dialog regarding her, both internally and externally. If you have an unloving thought, however "true"... Let it go.
Me: Let it go?
God: Yes.
Me: ...But for how long?
God: Until you are once again with Me in Peace.

So, here goes! What's interesting is my hesitation to let it go. I can't blame my transgressor for that... right away I know it is what I need to do.

This experience was another reminder of when you ask God for direction, you gotta always be prepared for an Answer that you may find difficult. With Faith I will follow... and I'll be in touch to let you know how it goes. If you are a praying soul... I would appreciate your prayers for me, I think I can use all the help I can get!

❤Not Just A Blonde

When the Storms in Life Get Rough...

Sometimes when the storms in life get rough it's because God wants our life to go in a different direction. Adjusting our sails and submitting to Him will safely bring us Home.

❤Not Just A Blonde

Heaven Is Near...

Heaven doesn't have to wait!
All it's joy is here.
We can reach out and touch it,
Just by letting go of fear.

Heaven isn't far away!
It's presence crystal clear.
Letting love flow as He directs,
We'd never shed a tear.

Heaven is with us now!
In the love we share so dear.
True Love is all around us,
His Presence draws us near.

❤Not Just A Blonde

We're All In This Together!

Being a writer of the Spirit, my blog posts are often about the challenges of relating to and loving other people. These challenges are mine. Yet, at times some of you may completely relate!

If you do, hopefully my words can be reassuring. In relating we are reminded that we are not the only ones struggling in this life thing... we are all in this together!

I've recently been reminded of how others can perceive (judge?) those of us that are Christians or even those of us who are just more spiritually driven. We are often seen as hypocrites... preaching one thing and then doing the opposite. We can be seen as haughty and arrogant... like we think we have ALL the answers and this whole eternity thing figured out.

Of course, being a Christian, albeit even an Unfundamentalist one, places me smack dab in the firing line for judgement and critical observation. The author of a Spiritual blog and administrator of a Spiritual Facebook page leads me even further into the line of question. Just who do I think I am to talk about such things? After all I'm often no better ...and at times even worse than others!

To that I say "Exactly!" I don't pretend to know all the answers! That is in part what has inspired this blog! I don't pretend to be anything special... no more, no less than any body else. But I will try and share my experiences with an open and honest heart. My vulnerability may offer comfort, inspiration, or love... And that makes it all worth it.

I think that's important to emphasize that as I struggle to find the words to share my heart... I will often fall short but that's okay. No one is perfect... nor can be in this world. God knows that... Jesus knows it too... and is why he came to save us from ourselves.

And somehow that's the point! As I struggle to write, I pray about the topic God places on my heart. As I wrestle to align my truth with His it can get messy, ugly and rich with shame. But He asks that I move through that and the guaranteed judgement of others to see where He can lead me through the clamor of the storm to the rainbow His light will create as it illuminates my rain.

That's the thing... if I blog share about an experience that sounds like something you've been through or struggled with then we are now connected through an experience. We are not alone! We are all in this thing called life together and together we will be until He calls us Home.

❤ Not Just A Blonde

God Works at Steak n' Shake!

On our way to Michigan for a beach family get-away we stopped at a Steak n' Shake for a bite to eat along the way. The restaurant was busy as it was just after 1:00 and they were in the midst of the lunch time frenzy! We were excited about our trip and were eager to eat and get back on the road.

We were seated by a friendly waitress and were left to look at our menus and decide what we would order. We waited. With all the activity we wondered if we were possibly forgotten as our waitress was nowhere to be seen! To be fair we likely only waited for her return for less than five minutes... but with hungry and eager children (and parents, lol) minutes seemed to stretch out longer. My husband wondered out loud if we should even stay.

Shortly after she returned... with a big beautiful smile and a "thank you for your patience!" It was amazing to me how quickly she turned our impatience into a positive feeling... we relaxed and she took our order. I mentioned my oldest wasn't ordering a meal as he didn't feeling that good and she seemed to sincerely care "I hope you feel better sweetie." She was warm, caring, and... present.

As we waited for and ate our food I couldn't help but notice what a hard worker she was! She hustled and bustled... bringing food to patrons, extra cheese, onions that were mistakenly forgotten, napkins, picking up empty plates and glasses not to mention cleaning abandoned tables and continuing to seat the next wave if hungry guests! She continued to check in with us and all those around to make sure all our needs were being met. All of this with a warm smile... her glowing attitude was contagious!

As she passed me by I couldn't help but compliment her "You're like Super Woman, how do you DO it?!" She replied it was her God that gives her the power. I smiled and said "Well, He's doing a good job!"

She DID seem to be filled with a power... and I couldn't help but feel like through her positivity and joy she was doing God's work! She blessed all her customers by caring for each of them as people not just as patrons! God was working at Steak n' Shake through her sharing Christ's love.

She is proof to me that through Him we can each be used right where we are! Even if we work as a waitress at a fast food restaurant! If she can be a minister of Love in a fast food there, can't I do the same where ever I am?

She never quoted a bible verse. She didn't hand out mini crosses. She wasn't leading a Sunday school class. She was working her day job... only she was propelled by the loving presence and power of her God. She shared Him through her dedication to her work and to those of us who had the privilege of interacting with her.

On the way out my oldest son turned to me and asked "Do you think we are the customers of the day to her?" I couldn't help but nod and smile. The truth is I think EVERYONE is likely treated by her like they are her customers of the day! Feeling a little more cared about and special... she shared His Love to all who cross her path. With God fueling her mission she didn't just help feed her customers stomachs, but our souls!

"Have a blessed day!" she encouraged each of us as we paid our bills, gathered our things and prepared to go. You know what? Thanks to her and her faithfulness... I will! Thanks to her and her "Steak n' Shake ministry" I believe many more will have blessed days as well!

❤A special thank you to our waitress Lanette for teaching me a little more about our God and how we are all called to Love... no matter who or where we are! I wish her many blessed days as well!

Give a little... Get A lot

Giving gifts as inspired by the Holy Spirit is not like the giving as the world can gives in which the giver loses as he gives the gift and the taker is richer by the giver's loss. Such are not gifts but bargains made with guilt. To give as God gives we understand that whatever we give with a pure and cheerful heart we are giving to ourselves, and more. 

Giving is more than just about the stuff we give. Deep down I think we all know that. Even though we may offer an object or service... it's meaning is more. Giving can be a symbol to others of acceptance, affirmation and caring... and frequently, love. But stuff is not love, acceptance or caring so we must be sure not to confuse this or we may unknowingly settle for a shallow substitute!

We must always remember that these gifts cannot create love, but must come through love! True love cannot ever come from stuff but from the heart, or more accurately through the heart of God!

It is this Spiritual law that fulfills God's mission to bring us to Him... and bring Him to all in need. He blesses us for listening to His call of Love and we are rewarded for our efforts. Whatever we are able to give to the world through Him is multiplied. His supply of blessings is as unending as His Love.

We are all a vine with many branches. Through us He can reach others. Through us is shared many blessings and gifts to a broken, confused, and hurting World. By giving these gifts we then receive Him and his Love more and more.

God thereby gives to us by giving through us. Within this law true joy is found, although it contradicts our Earthly reasoning. Yet, His way is not the way of this world. With the greatest of love... God would not arrange this any other way.

  

  Acts 20:35: In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

Where's the Joy in Giving?

I once gave a friend a gift. I was out of town and saw something I just knew she'd enjoy! It wasn't much... only costing around $10... but it's the thought that counts, right? So I bought it for her... for no reason but "just because". I was excited, and couldn't wait to give it to her.

Not too long after that she gave me something almost identical in return. Honestly, it was a bit confusing to me. I felt like the gift had been returned back to me! I couldn't help but think perhaps the gift was only offered to me in an attempt to keep things even. Sigh.

Have you ever offered to do something for someone in need and yet they declined the favor or said to you "You shouldn't have!"... and they mean it? I've heard someone explain "I don't want to be beholden!" My mother-in-law Jean was the one who explained the meaning of that word to me. She saw someone giving to her as more of a loan than a true favor... something that would have to be repaid in the future... with interest. Before then I'd not considered anyone would feel that way when offered a gift or given a favor.

Perhaps you have been given a gift by surprise and responded "But I didn't get you anything!" or found yourself saying "No one said we were exchanging gifts!" We then immediately brain-storm ways to "pay back" any perceived generosity. Turning gift-giving into more pain than pleasure. Truth is, we often have quite a few road blocks in our hearts keeping us from experiencing anything but!

Gift-giving gets the most complicated (ironically) at Christmas-time. The expectations are at an all-time high... as is the potential for disappointment. Many families have strict rules for all family members to follow. Unfortunately, when a family member does not stick to the plan... resentment, anger, frustration,  or hurt often follows. This is not exactly how anyone wants to feel... especially during the Holiday Season!

This is NOT the cheerful giving that our God intended for us! Our Earthly version is more like a game in which we are all keeping score. "Suzy spent $25 dollars on me for my birthday, so I better get her something around that same price so I don't look cheap!" We place our happiness and worth in making sure it all stays equal.

Some feel driven to give gifts as if it is a competition. When giving they like to make sure their gift is bigger and better than the others. They seek acknowledgement and recognition for being generous and giving, when in reality they are self-seeking instead. They are most pleased if they outdo everybody else. Likely motivated by poor self-worth or identity they seek from others the value that should come from within. Fear of not measuring up themselves they over-compensate with giving, however often are left feeling more insecure than ever... as giving should be motivated not by fear, but by love.

Sometimes we may give too much and yet get little or nothing in return... we feel unloved and uncared for. We may even at times feel taken advantage of or taken for granted.We tell ourselves "I'm not going to give to them again! They don't deserve it!" We then cross them off our gift giving list... protecting ourselves from being hurt by them again. Hoping to collect from our offering the love we so desperately crave... only to feel bankrupted and alone.

We are equally stuck if we give too little... some feeling guilty and shamed at not quite keeping up. Perhaps we go to a party and our gift is much smaller or less admired than the others... leaving us embarrassed and eager just to go home. The present offered in an attempt to draw us closer, to show affection then  becomes the very thing that separates us from another.

Some may do well at receiving the gifts offered by others, but miss out on true blessings as they neglect to give. Receiving much from others they selfishly keep gifts for themselves. In time, these self-centered "users" and "takers" are often exposed. They end up feeling empty and unsatisfied in life without awareness that from taking advantage of other's generosity they take from themselves... and often end up anxious and paranoid as they hoard their treasures away.

There are those of us who feel unworthy of gifts from others. Not feeling "good enough" we dread birthdays and Christmas, completely missing out on the happiness that those days can bring! Some may even stop celebrating these days all together in an attempt to not be faced with their poor self-esteem. The sad truth being if we are unable to accept gifts we aren't open to God's blessings. In order to receive these we must believe we are worthy and open up a place in our hearts and in our lives for these gifts to come in!

When we give we must give with no strings attached knowing that with strings it is as if there was no gift given at all! I've often wondered if those who have a difficulty receiving from others aren't the same folks who give with the greatest expectations! Fearing others may give with similar demands they are hesitant to accept a gift, fearing the unspoken contract! They miss out on the joy to be had when giving willingly, openly, lovingly with no expectation for anything in return. 

We need to reverse our view of giving so we can receive the gifts that God has in store for us! God has a better way for us. Why do we choose to give any other way than the way than God has shown us? This request also comes with a promise that whatever we may give we will receive much much more in return! Its such a beautiful win/win, why would we settle for less? Perhaps we believe on a deep dark level in the law of scarctity... forgetting that this law does not apply to the Spiritual laws of God. Perhaps we forget that Jesus has described for us a much better way.

I believe God show us a better way. Cheerfully. Openly. Lovingly. No longer giving for selfish reasons, we should ask Him for guidance in our gift-giving ways. We should trust Him to speak to us in our hearts for all matters... especially in the ways we give to others. When giving to others we will capture the joy if we always give cheerfully and eagerly with no expectation for even as much as a polite 'thank you' in return. 

We will find ourselves full of joy if we cut the strings of expectation and lead with love. With God as our giving guide He may at time direct us in ways unexpected. We will know His voice by the Peace in our hearts and the joy that follows. We are the messengers of His unending Love, being used every day as we are open and willing to share His Hope, His Love and His Grace to all who will accept it. Just as Jesus gave His life for us with no strings but that of acceptance, we should give our gifts to others with such love. There we will find our joy.

2 Corinthians 9:7: Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

Proverbs 11:24: One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.

Deuteronomy 15:10: Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.

Confessions Of A Newbie Spiritual Blogger...

Have you ever paused for a moment in your spiritual journey and wonder how you got there? I guarantee if you would have told me where my walk with God would lead me I would have scoffed and believed you had lost touch with reality! I wouldn't believe I would find myself writing my 33rd post on a spiritually driven blog! Nor imagine I would be the administrator of a Facebook page devoted to Spiritual encouragement and inspiration!

Yet, here I am so willingly submitting to the Will of God... admittedly, at times not completely... but more than I ever dreamed I would or even could! Following God's Voice, listening to Him and then doing as He requests has been as enlightening as you might expect... and as humbling as you might hope. To be led to do things, share things, say things that to the world seem so strange, foreign and confusing at times is both gratifying and scary. Following this new path so unfamiliar, my dependence on the Holy Spirit growing every step of the way.

I'm being judged. That's been made clear. Not just by strangers, but also by some in my family and a few of the friends I love so dear. Some look upon me with a skeptical eye... especially if my questions and evolving beliefs go against the status quo or the accepted norm. My friends and family possibly questioning my motives or my "new" spiritual identity... withdrawing from the perceived unfamiliarity of my ways. 

I know I shouldn't care if some of my closest friends and family aren't interested in my blogging and spiritual pondering. After all, I'm not writing for others, but for God and for my own peace. Yet, even in my closest circle I've noted some seem totally uninterested in my blogging and the corresponding Not Just A Blonde Facebook page. I have come to be SO thankful to those who give me small words of encouragement or respond with a comment or simple 'like' to let me know they like what I've written. Many of those providing encouragement and feedback are people who have stumbled on my path who I don't even know! I'm thankful for those who I have connected with thus far... such as Tim Chastain who runs a Christian blog Jesus Without Baggage... who has consistently given me encouragement as I too lay my spiritual heart on-line for all to see.

Sigh. It just feels like rejection from some of those closest to me. Yet with this I am forced to remember to let go of the need for other's acceptance and approval... forgiving them for I am sure they are unaware of my earthly need to feel like they care. I need to move beyond this need anyway, so for this I should be grateful!

Talking about God and Spiritual things can immediately separate me from certain people... some just not interested in Spiritual matters. Strangers who don't know God may oft misjudge me. That is totally understanding. For starts, because of the Christian religion's bad rap. If one speaks of God, or worse, Jesus Christ, one can be pegged as one of those "religious people", a "Christian freak", or worse judgmental, haughty, elitist, or just totally un-relatable! Others see God as irrelevant and are just not that interested in me and my spiritual discussions.

Craving more Earthly spiritual companionship may be one of the reasons I considered writing this blog. Sharing my thoughts, observations and frustrations with the possibility of connecting with others about their thoughts, insights, and fears as well. Alas, I sometimes I feel isolated and lonely... yet I have become more and more grateful to those few loving souls who do choose walk and talk with me along the way.

In seeking Truth I wonder why is there so much fear and skepticism from others as we follow our God directed path? And more, when others don't understand us, judge us, and pull away from us... why does it hurt so much? To some I'm either a believer or a deceiver, religious or a pagan, I'm either good or I'm evil, I'm right or I'm wrong, I'm IN or I'm OUT, either saved... or damned to Hell. 

I sometimes feel misunderstood and can sense their judgment. Some may simply fear I am veering away from the well trodden path. If it weren't for the Peaceful, Loving Voice of God and His Presence I too might question what the heck I am doing! Sometimes I question myself why He leads me to do certain things, but with Faith I listen with curiosity on where He might lead me.

I've realized so much of all of this "God-talk" can make others totally uncomfortable, at times literally scaring people... even those who know me well. One or two even questioning if the Voice might be something other than our Living Holy God. I'm not sure where this comes from. Perhaps they are not in agreement with some of my stated beliefs.  Perhaps I don't seem good enough, loving enough, or worthy to engage in these discussions... and with this I totally agree!

I know I am no better and no more deserving of God's favor than anyone else. I'm not any more special or valuable to God than any other. I am loved the same by God as the atheist... and the atheist is loved no less than Billy Graham. Yes, it's true... I'm a mess! At times I indulge in pity parties... this post being a small example of that! Yet, faults, imperfections, and all I've been chosen, as are you, to fulfill a purpose. I'm just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life... with an extraordinary God leading the way.

Together We Can Create A Masterpiece...

Last night I was invited to join a friend for a group art class gathering as part of a birthday celebration. Five of us ladies each enjoyed creating our own masterpieces working side by side with the instructor as our guide... giving us encouragement, feedback and more paint as needed along the way.

I found it most interesting that even though we were each given the same instruction... each of our paintings were different and yet they shared a similar anchor, pattern and color palate. Similar... yet different. Beautiful and unique. Just like each of us.

Feeling very inspired I asked the instructor if she had ever met anyone that desired to be an artist yet despite their desire to do so, just wasn't able to create art. How much of being an artist is pure gift and how much could be taught... 60/40? 50/50? I suppose I was inquiring in part to see if there was any hope for me to improve in my ability... creatively energized as I gazed upon her beautiful paintings hanging on the gallery walls... teasing my artistic fantasy.

She answered "I have rarely met someone who could not create art. If they are not successful I've found they just need to try a different medium!" So with sincere desire anyone can become an artist... through glasswork, photography, sculpture, textiles or painting... multiple different methods to express whatever is in our heart!

I realized in that moment that a spiritual question had been answered that had been stirring in my mind. I wondered if God supported us in the desires of out heart. I questioned does God support our dreams? Does He want us to use our talents? If God gave each of a gift... are we supposed to use it?

The answer to these questions seemed to be yes... and no. Our gifts lead us to our Purpose as do our hopes and dreams... but the medium God choses for our expression may not be what we would ever expect or choose for ourselves. The desire in our hearts is ours and by opening up to His perfect guidance we can be led to the medium that will fulfill our dreams and potential!

If I love art, perhaps I'm not a painter... but a sculptor. If my heart soars with music perhaps I'm not meant to be a rock star... but will thrive as a Christian speaker/performer. If I love writing perhaps I am not going to write the next best selling novel... but I will feel deep satisfaction in writing a blog that can inspire others! Many talents with many unique expressions... each one as different as each of us. 

His direction will always satisfy our greatest desires... but we must be willing to trust the Voice of God as He speaks to us and guides us. Desiring to use our gifts will lead us towards the path God has for us... If we follow His direction. God, the giver of all our gifts, knows our full potential! Each one of us with unique abilities if aligned with the Will of God can heal this broken world.

In this journey of life there are many artists...but one canvas. Together we can create a masterpiece with God as our Guide, as the body of Christ... bringing Heaven to Earth for all... as God has eternally intended.

A special thank you to Becky for inviting me to her birthday gathering 

and to Something Special Gallery  for hosting the wonderful paint and party experience! 

P.S. Yes! This IS the painting I created that night! 

Not Just A Blonde...

I've always been a blonde... at times a shade or two darker or "dirtier" but nonetheless blonde. Over the years I have come to realize this descriptive fact has permeated my identity. I especially enjoyed the time in my late teens and early twenties when I "enhanced" my natural blonde shade to a lighter and more golden hue. Life seemed to just be better as a blonde!

There was a time, however, when my lust for golden locks took a terrible turn.  I was nineteen and it was the early 1990's when long hair full of body and wave was highly desired. Being in college my budget for vanity was low so I "enhanced" my dishwater blonde with a spritz or two of Sun-In to return my "blah" into "beautiful" long blonde hair. But my hair seemed to be more limp and stringy as an old perm had grown out it's effectiveness. I wanted more bounce in my blonde... And on a large poster hanging on the wall of an in-home salon (owned by a close college friend's older sister) I discovered what I believed would bring my head of hair into blonde perfection... A spiral perm!

Well, I gathered my money. I'm pretty sure I got this perm for a great price as I was a poor college student and also dear friend of the stylist's sister, after all. I eagerly sat in her chair and awaited my enhancement. Except, when the rods came out and my hair was dry my hair wasn't exactly enhanced...  it was curly... too curly! I was immediately encouraged by my stylist that "after a couple of washes my hair would settle down". I relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief, internally counting the moments until I could get home and start the process ASAP.

I got home and got into the shower... and that's when I noticed something was terribly wrong! My bleached blonde hair had had enough and was falling out by the handful as I scrubbed away. That's when I panicked. I was told I had thick blonde hair while I got the perm (as it took longer than typical to roll me up) and I was glad about that. Perhaps no one would notice... perhaps it will still be all right.

Except... it wasn't! Not only did my hair continue to break off...but what was left was more frizzy than full and the texture was more straw-like than the shiny silky hair I had had just a few days before. I was devastated... and honestly depressed. It turned out, after consulting with other stylists as I questioned again and again "How could this have happened?!"  The Sun-In that left my hair so beautifully blonde and shiny... also stripped the hair of the needed protection needed for a perm. My blonde ambition set me up for this disaster!

My hair was the basis of my positive self concept and in my mind it made up for the many negative characteristics that I already suffered with and loathed! Now with the one thing I loved having  been stripped away... all that was left was the ugly. My big thighs, my small squinty eyes, my short legs, my bubble butt seemed to be all that was left. Who would ever date me? Who would ever love me?! My self-esteem plummeted as it was unfortunately tangled up with the color and quality of hair on my head.

I was at a sensitive age when most young ladies, myself included, were in a hunt for Mr. Right. I was convinced I would miss out getting married, having children, being happy unless I found him before he found somebody else. Fear, anxiety and sadness in the loss of my self-concept overtook me... pushing me over the edge with an already fragile psyche. I was lost. 

Sure, I knew my family loved me, I knew God loved me... but I was a young hopeless romantic that wanted to be perfect... to look perfect. My hair cut shorter and shorter in an attempt to salvage what was left... to no avail. It was then that I realized that my self-esteem was entangled with my hair... a superficial and unstable foundation for a solid self-concept to be built upon.

Another frustrating fact I live with is the slow pace in which my hair grows. My guess is at a pace of around 6 inches a year... although nice due to not needing frequent touchups of highlights... it is horrible if wanting to recover from a humiliating hair catastrophe! So, needless to say I had a loooooong time to recover and rebuild an identity other than one that depended on the color and quality of my hair to stay secure. My spiritual identity became more of my focus and the curse was transformed, in looking back, into an undeniable blessing!

There have been a few times along life's path where my self-identity, as it is tied into my hair, has been tested. Having forever sworn off all perms... I have yet to let the blonde go! After self-coloring throughout my 20's I had to give it up that up the day I self-colored my hair into a shade of purple... after having it corrected at a salon I now leave it to the professionals. The well-intended professional that color-corrected me that day recommended I go darker due to the chemical harshness of bleaching. Although I went to her several times, after too much pressuring to go darker blonde... to me a light brown... I never went back. Blonde being part of my identity I didn't want to let go!

I then found a new stylist... being a colored blonde herself she understood my desire for blonde. Self- aware of my fragility I communicated clearly to her from the start how important my blonde hair was to me. After a flip-flop color job where she darkened the majority of my hair and highlighted minimally instead of the other way around... I began to cry, not recognizing myself in the mirror, she immediately went to work to correct what had occurred. Another reminded my identity was still linked with my locks.

My most recent wake-up call came a couple of years ago when the same stylist colored my hair as she usually did... this time with a very unusual result. I had already mentioned that I was noticing more damage lately, and was wondering why. This time, however, it happened again... only worse. After sitting under the warm dryer after an extended length of time... be it due to my thyroid, the dryer, new brand of hair product, or a mixture of all of the above... my highlighted hair turned white!

Large streaks of ash white hair framed my face. Thinking it was the lighting I left the salon only to be confronted with the unnatural shade at home in my bathroom mirror. After going to work the next day... without the usual "your hair looks nice!" that typically occurs after returning to work following a salon day... I knew. It wasn't just me. After asking a dependable, yet brutally honest co-worker, it was confirmed... my hair had been damaged and was "ash grey" as I had feared. I went back the next day to have the stylist add toner to remove the ash... but the damage was done. My hair was once again straw-like and breaking off... a repeated lesson following me into adulthood.

Once again, my lust for blonde hair left my happiness vulnerable to be taken away. Being older and wiser it didn't affect me (thankfully) to the depth of disparity I had suffered in my youth, but was a
reminder I needed to remember happiness does not come from healthy hair. I am not my hair. If I place my value and identity in things such as this... Earthly treasures of self-esteem, whether it be the quality and color of my hair, the clothes I wear, the car I drive, my fitness level, my weight, the side of town I live on, my house, my health... these are all things that can be taken away and mean nothing in Eternity's eyes!

I am not just a blonde! I'm also "not just" a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, an Auntie, a daughter, or a therapist! Although this may describe me in my Earthly life... eternally my identity and worth is based on something much greater than all these things combined! I am an eternal spirit of God's creation and Love! Why would I settle for my Earthly identity that I have created when a better one awaits? As soon as I let go of what I have placed over my True Identity I can see who I truly am...  a child of the Spirit, a sharer of Light, a daughter of the Living God! In this I find my true self-identity... one that offers me a secure self-concept that cannot be taken away or altered! "Not Just A Blonde" is an important reminder to me... and to others... that none of us are "just" what we seem to be... but much, much more!

What Is Love... And Why It Matters

What is Love? This is an important question... Perhaps one of the most important questions one may ask oneself in life... The answer leading us directly to God. The word love in itself has many connotations... lust, infatuation, desire, possession, craving, obsession, mastery, satisfaction, just to name an obvious few. But I am not asking the definition of that love, but the definition of Love as in God's love for us and the love we are called to offer each other in this life, on Earth as it is in Heaven.

The best definition of God's Love I've read is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV):

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

With this description we are offered a glimpse of God. He is patient, He is kind. God does not boast, nor is He proud. God will not dishonor us, nor is He self-seeking or easily angered! He keeps no record of wrongs! He rejoices in Truth. He will always protect us, trusts our best self, and is always full of hope. He will persevere forever. 

This Love describes the God of the Universe... one who I have come to know and have given my trust. He is my hope, my strength and is the only Truth there is. God is Love. To know God is to know Love... that's why "What is Love?" is such an important question. True happiness in this life and beyond rests entirely in the mastery of this... Love.

❤God is Love is God❤

God Answers My Prayer...

A quiet prayer was sent today with a question asked to Him. I've been struggling with how to handle a frustrating sinful tendency... feeling defeated I turned to God for help.

I was on my way to work when the answer came in pieces. His voice a quiet knowing that revealed itself in the reassuring message that followed. As I wrote the message I was immediately at peace.

If you are struggling with a health concern, a recurring sin, or are experiencing a painful moment... this message was meant for you as well:

Dear Beloved,

I care about your body and your health as it enables you to live my Purpose. If you lean on me for your understanding I will not fail you. Take my hand and I will lead the way. Although at times the path may prove difficult or even treacherous, do not fear! Hold then even tighter to my grasp!

You need not worry about where you are headed as I will lead you where you need to go. Relax and enjoy the scenery but watch your steps so that your stumbles will be few! Remember when you stumble or trip I am right here with you to pull you back on track and take you where you need to be! You are never alone as I am with you always... leading you towards Me.

Love Eternally, God

Who Is God?

Many people over many generations have contemplated, meditated, debated and researched who God is or even what He might be. Some have questioned his even existence, whereas others, like myself, have mostly questioned what he might actually be like. Is He a good guy or a bad guy? Does He love me or is He repulsed?

I was first introduced to God as a little girl going to Sunday school. This God was big, powerful and somewhat scary. It appeared to me via the Old Testament of the Bible that God had quite a temper and did not tolerate disobedience without revenge and retribution! I noted that He seemed to choose His favorites for extra special blessings and tolerated (if not condoned) slavery. He inflicted plagues, asked people to do the unthinkable, required lots and lots of ritualistic sacrifice and demanded strict obedience... or else! Risking rejection or placing yourself outside the realm of favor He was not just a God to be revered but a God to be feared!

And then there was God's very much approachable son Jesus! Now this was a part of God I could relate to and dare to approach for spiritual support and guidance. His Biblical description seemed so different to me than that of His Father. He loved and accepted everybody no matter what! He also told some really good stories and performed miracles without effort. He was a part of the Divine I wanted to be close to! Jesus had my back!

Where God seemed judgmental & condemning... Jesus seemed totally accepting and forgiving! If He reprimanded anyone it seemed to be because He knew we could do better... be better. He knew we would be so more satisfied with Him than without Him!

Ahhh... the perspective of youth! How much was the Grace of Jesus Christ was needed and longed for! A simple Savior with a simple plan of salvation. The Faith of a child was all that it would take to insure you were in His loving grasp forever! It was a sweet moment to have been in... alas, it didn't last beyond my younger years.

Unfortunately, my Faith became much more complicated as I developed into a teen. Life seemed to become more difficult... I began to look for spiritual answers to these new problems. I was "educated" by the church on "the rules" of the game. The Apostle Paul's letters had me especially stressed out! Wearing a mini skirt might cause someone else to sin, so that was out! "Secular" music was filled with error and temptation! So, that was a no-no as well! Legalism replaced love and my Spiritual anxiety soured. Would I, could I ever get it right?! What was the "it" anyway? Christianity became more and more confusing! I began to lose faith that I could ever feel like I was one of His children... I wasn't sure I could trust Him to lead my life. If I didn't comply perfectly would I still be "in" or was I one sin away from condemnation?

I began to question... why would a loving God put the tree of knowledge in the garden of Eden anyway? Knowing we would eventually succumb to the irresistible temptation to create just like God did... knowing we would chose to be separated from Him and try this thing called life on our own without God. Our Creator no longer super close, the great deceiver (aka Satan) was able and free to have his way with us... torturing us, lying to us, and causing us perpetual pain in hopes we would be so distracted we would forget how we got into this predicament in the first place! Well... (sigh) it looks like it worked.

Who is this God I yearn for? Who is this Jesus that came to save me from myself? Now separate from God I yearned to meet Him again... to walk with Him and talk with Him like Eve did before that blasted apple was in the picture! I wanted to know so many things! What was God thinking?What's He like? What's He all about? Did the Bible get "it" right? Is that all... or is there more to Him than that? The more I tried learn & look for the answers the more complicated it became!

Who is this mysterious invisible God that sent His son so that we may know Him? And there it was. There laid the answer. Jesus is the answer to who God really is... Loving, Forgiving, Full of Grace & Acceptance. He was sent to us in Human form so we could know Him. And He is forever calling us to Him through the power of the Holy Spirit... Jesus' parting gift to us from above! His Voice answering in our darkest moments... with Love.

One thing seems to resonate with my soul and seems very clear. We may be vessels through which His love can reach others, however God is the Source of "it" all. Like an eternal well, always flowing... His love is abundant and never ending. To learn to love is to learn about God. To know love is to know God. It's simplicity returns me back to the simple faith of a child... the desire for unconditional love that calls us Home to Him. Simply, God is that Love.

❤ God is Love is God.

Seek and You Will Find...

Seek and you will find... yes, it really is that simple. I think sometimes we think finding God in this life & hearing His Voice is complicated or tricky, yet with a pure heart and a loving mind He is present and ready to answer any question at any time. He wants us at Peace and he desires our better good. Our best is always with Him. He knows All and therefore has the Best Vision for our lives.

Fear can cloud His ability to direct us. Discernment and fear are not the same. We must only listen to His Voice of Peace and Love. If we seek the truth we will find it. What truth do we wish for? The truth of man or His Truth? God does not try to trick us nor does He take pleasure in keeping the Truth hidden. The path towards Him is neither complicated nor difficult... if we are truly with Him along the way.

When we are anxious, when things get scary or seem overwhelming it is a sure sign we are not relaxing in His Arms and that once again we are relying on our own Earthly strength and understanding and not on His. He is more powerful & loving than any difficulty or deception! We simply must relax in Him and listen to His Voice for guidance! His Voice comes in many forms... a message in a song, the healing words from a friend, a line in a book, or even a Bible verse that appears at the perfect time with the perfect words... He answers us in ways as unique as our human experiences.

I was recently warned by a dear God-loving friend that sometimes the voice we think is God's may not truly be His. She cautioned that although this imposter voice might speak near truth that this voice means to do us harm and lead us away from the Truth of God. This scared me... actually, it down right freaked me out!! My body became tense and rigid, and fear trickled through my core. How could I ever know what voice to follow and be sure it is the Voice I am seeking? She insisted we needed to question each message against His Word.

So every time I hear His Voice I am to question Him? By "His Word" I am pretty sure she meant the Bible... but that's where things can get even more difficult! For every Bible story and verse there is a different understanding... and for each interpretation there is the likelihood someone got it wrong. All you have to do is attend a few different Bible studies in a few different Churches to see quickly how many different understandings there can be! Confusing... difficult... contradictory... divisive... sigh. Who's right? Who's wrong? What's a girl to believe?

This is when I turned to God in the darkness, with my 3 boys sleeping nearby. In the quiet solitude of the night, I turned to God and He answered me. Simply. I was still and listened without fear and with an open heart and mind. His message came clear and without complication... His Voice as familiar to my ear as His Love is to my soul.

I'm not to fear the Enemy but turn to Him with all my thoughts, my anxieties & fears and He will guide me & keep me safe. Fear not as He is with me Always. I will know His Voice by His Peace & His Love.

The gift of discernment is just that: a gift. Without special effort or works Gods Voice is clear and consistent. His Loving guidance resonates unlike any potential imposter... as our God can be recognized by His Love and Peace that cannot be received from an other god or source but Him. He is the Only Living God... the only True Voice above all. Simply: He will always reveal Himself to us. He is never hidden from us, nor silent. We must but be still and listen.

Seek God and you shall Know Peace.
Seek Peace, and you shall find God.

God also has given me some Bible verses, mostly I think to ease all fears and for Loving reassurance:
❤Seek and ye shall find (Mathew 7:7)
❤Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:20)
❤Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God (Isaiah 41:10)
❤And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7)

My Miracle Moment

My miracle moment was both the most extraordinary and ordinary moment of my entire life. The day of the miracle started out as a typical day. On that day I felt just as normal as ever. I wasn't vigorously seeking God nor actively turning from Him. Honestly, until that miracle moment I hadn't thought much about Him that day at all.

It happened several Summers ago during a family reunion that was being held not too far away from my home. I headed down to the gathering place with my two eldest sons. Much of my family was there including my twin sister, my mom, my grandmother, and many of my aunts, uncles and cousins. We were sharing in the normal commotion, good conversation and good food that the typical reunion offers.

It was during this reunion I was able to talk face to face with a dear Aunt of mine. She and my Uncle had been going through a very spiritually anxious time with the stress of future work and finances at an all time high! I was listening to her as she shared the complicated details of the painful situation. I actively listened to her heartache as her fears bubbled over and she questioned what was to happen next and how God would provide.

That's when it happened. The Miracle. The Voice of God. But it actually wasn't really a voice at all... more of a Knowing with a message for me to share from God through the Holy Spirit of Christ to her. Directly. As I was being instantaneously told what to tell her...the words came out as I surrendered to the message... she looked at me and she nodded, receiving the message without bewilderment or question!

It was absolutely clear that the message was from God. When God Speaks... there is no doubt who He is! I couldn't believe what had just happened! Yet my Aunt with her strong Faith didn't seem surprised at all that God had a message for her and she received it openly and seemed to get some encouragement and Peace from His Word.

Before I relayed God's message I automatically stated "God wants me to tell you something" and before I had a chance to absorb what was happening the message poured out out like a fountain of hope! The message was something like "Everything is unfolding as it should for your better good"... the phrasing was strange and not in any way phrased how I myself would talk!

As the conversation concluded I was in somewhat of a heightened daze...like I had been hit (because I had!) by spiritual lightening! I walked away in shock and in total awe of what had occurred! I wanted to yell out "Everybody! Stop! GOD HAS SPOKEN!" It still seemed so unbelievable even though I had no doubt of it's Truth!

What the heck just happened?! God? Spoke through me?! So unbelievable yet so Real. I immediately searched the room for my (twin) sister to share with her what had just occurred! Would she, could she believe me?!

Now, I'm telling ya up until this day I had not been especially religious (I hadn't gone to church in months!) nor spiritually driven. I mean, I believed in God and considered myself a Christian, but was more coasting on Faith than actively pursuing God. Because I suppose I have always been honest with her, or perhaps she reacted in Faith, she seemed to believe me...and for that I was so very grateful! I had someone to process this with and to share in that moment. The moment that was in no special place, with no special messenger... completely ordinary in both respects... immediately changed my path and my life for good.

I'm telling you... when God speaks... you listen... and afterwards you want to share it! It was miraculous! And with that I began a new more committed Spiritual path that led me to where I am today. Since that time I have heard His Voice speak through me to others... those stories are beautiful and profound... each a sacred moment of Truth from God through me to them.

The messages from Him have always brought Peace, Hope, and Love in a way only His words can... and I am just the occasional messenger... an honor I do not deserve and will always feel grateful for. Being used by God is the biggest blessing one could ever ask for... and we are all called to His Purpose!

He has shown me that he does not chose to bless us with miracles because of any "specialness" that sets us apart or above any other. There was nothing and is nothing better about me than anybody else... I believe that is one reason I was chosen. Miracles happen when we are open and according to His Plan. It is now my life calling to do my best at listening to his Voice as He speaks to me and live according to His Plan for me...which will always be so much better than my own!

My Way...Or the Highway (to Heaven)

Have you ever felt like things in your life were somehow not right? You start your days feeling frustrated, confused, almost restless, not sure exactly what was wrong, just knowing things weren't as they should be? You weren't at Peace but you couldn't say why!

I've been in this situation several times in my life! I tried working even harder, the whole time thinking "Surely this will give me greater satisfaction and Peace", only to find myself feeling more lost & alone than ever! When I pushed on with extra effort towards my goals things continued to go wrong...and as I tried with all my might, my way contined to be blocked again & again! The harder I worked the more my goals seemed to be just out of reach! The more I pursued my plan, the more I felt disconnected from God.

I've always thought "work hard and it will pay off" and although I don't dispute that idea on one level, on another I feel it is all wrong. If we aren't on the right path no matter what we do, it will never be right or bring us (lasting) Peace. Stress, anxiety, and worry are an indicator I am once again jogging along my own self-directed path, not along the path God desires for me.

Not too long ago I worked at a job I loved, with people I loved. I showed up everyday wanting to give 100% and doing my personal best. Was I perfect? Absolutely not! But I really tried, after all, I was doing what I loved with people that I loved, yet over time, something just wasn't right.

At first, I couldn't put my finger on it. I noticed I wasn't being treated the same. Something changed, was it me? I didn't think so, however over time I was feeling more and more misunderstood and misjudged by my superiors. I felt like I no longer fit. The more I tried the more I felt the sting of failure. Trying my best, I just could not get it right! I was stressed, anxious, and felt anything but Peaceful!

After lots & lots of thought and contemplation I realized what others thought about me and how they reacted towards me was out of my control. Feeling disheartened, mistreated and betrayed I knew I couldn't change the dynamic of where I was...I could only change me...and so far, on my own even that wasn't enough. So, I gave up. I went to God. I opened myself up the Plan as offered by Him. I was willing to embrace a better way...one that I was unable to visualize for myself.

Once I opened myself up and resigned my will of staying...a miraculous thing happened! Another opportunity crossed my path...one that fit me even better! A smaller workplace (I often felt overwhelmed by the commotion and noise level of my previous job), better hours that allowed me to be home when my children were out of school (my last job was demanding an evening shift and had increased the frequency of working week-ends), and where I felt appreciated and valued for my gifts & strengths! I was at Peace once again as I was "back on track" where God needed me and desired me to be!

To some looking at me from the outside leaving my previous job didn't make sense! Leaving security to start again in a new company with all of the unknowns. I was even warned by some to "Be careful!" & "Watch out!" Good intentioned folk were sincerely worried I was making a big mistake. And maybe it did look foolish from the outside, but deep down I knew better...I knew I wasn't supposed to stay were I was...I was called by Him to move on His Path. His call was no risk...it was the answer to my prayers.

God does indeed work in mysterious and miraculous ways. To be where God wants me living my purpose brings a fulfillment and Peace like Heaven on Earth! Crossing the bridge of Faith proved to me once again the love of His ways!

The next time you are stuck amidst stress & unhappiness or feeling disconnected from your Creator, just ask "Am I on the Path God desires for me or am I suffering needlessly as I try to make it on my own?" If you open yourself up by asking for direction, God will always answer you! He will gladly set your soul's GPS to His way...the High Way...the way towards Peace...towards Heaven...towards Him.