Yet, here I am so willingly submitting to the Will of God... admittedly, at times not completely... but more than I ever dreamed I would or even could! Following God's Voice, listening to Him and then doing as He requests has been as enlightening as you might expect... and as humbling as you might hope. To be led to do things, share things, say things that to the world seem so strange, foreign and confusing at times is both gratifying and scary. Following this new path so unfamiliar, my dependence on the Holy Spirit growing every step of the way.
I'm being judged. That's been made clear. Not just by strangers, but also by some in my family and a few of the friends I love so dear. Some look upon me with a skeptical eye... especially if my questions and evolving beliefs go against the status quo or the accepted norm. My friends and family possibly questioning my motives or my "new" spiritual identity... withdrawing from the perceived unfamiliarity of my ways.
I know I shouldn't care if some of my closest friends and family aren't interested in my blogging and spiritual pondering. After all, I'm not writing for others, but for God and for my own peace. Yet, even in my closest circle I've noted some seem totally uninterested in my blogging and the corresponding Not Just A Blonde Facebook page. I have come to be SO thankful to those who give me small words of encouragement or respond with a comment or simple 'like' to let me know they like what I've written. Many of those providing encouragement and feedback are people who have stumbled on my path who I don't even know! I'm thankful for those who I have connected with thus far... such as Tim Chastain who runs a Christian blog Jesus Without Baggage... who has consistently given me encouragement as I too lay my spiritual heart on-line for all to see.
Sigh. It just feels like rejection from some of those closest to me. Yet with this I am forced to remember to let go of the need for other's acceptance and approval... forgiving them for I am sure they are unaware of my earthly need to feel like they care. I need to move beyond this need anyway, so for this I should be grateful!
Sigh. It just feels like rejection from some of those closest to me. Yet with this I am forced to remember to let go of the need for other's acceptance and approval... forgiving them for I am sure they are unaware of my earthly need to feel like they care. I need to move beyond this need anyway, so for this I should be grateful!
Talking about God and Spiritual things can immediately separate me from certain people... some just not interested in Spiritual matters. Strangers who don't know God may oft misjudge me. That is totally understanding. For starts, because of the Christian religion's bad rap. If one speaks of God, or worse, Jesus Christ, one can be pegged as one of those "religious people", a "Christian freak", or worse judgmental, haughty, elitist, or just totally un-relatable! Others see God as irrelevant and are just not that interested in me and my spiritual discussions.
Craving more Earthly spiritual companionship may be one of the reasons I considered writing this blog. Sharing my thoughts, observations and frustrations with the possibility of connecting with others about their thoughts, insights, and fears as well. Alas, I sometimes I feel isolated and lonely... yet I have become more and more grateful to those few loving souls who do choose walk and talk with me along the way.
In seeking Truth I wonder why is there so much fear and skepticism from others as we follow our God directed path? And more, when others don't understand us, judge us, and pull away from us... why does it hurt so much? To some I'm either a believer or a deceiver, religious or a pagan, I'm either good or I'm evil, I'm right or I'm wrong, I'm IN or I'm OUT, either saved... or damned to Hell.
I sometimes feel misunderstood and can sense their judgment. Some may simply fear I am veering away from the well trodden path. If it weren't for the Peaceful, Loving Voice of God and His Presence I too might question what the heck I am doing! Sometimes I question myself why He leads me to do certain things, but with Faith I listen with curiosity on where He might lead me.
I've realized so much of all of this "God-talk" can make others totally uncomfortable, at times literally scaring people... even those who know me well. One or two even questioning if the Voice might be something other than our Living Holy God. I'm not sure where this comes from. Perhaps they are not in agreement with some of my stated beliefs. Perhaps I don't seem good enough, loving enough, or worthy to engage in these discussions... and with this I totally agree!
I know I am no better and no more deserving of God's favor than anyone else. I'm not any more special or valuable to God than any other. I am loved the same by God as the atheist... and the atheist is loved no less than Billy Graham. Yes, it's true... I'm a mess! At times I indulge in pity parties... this post being a small example of that! Yet, faults, imperfections, and all I've been chosen, as are you, to fulfill a purpose. I'm just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life... with an extraordinary God leading the way.
