Calling on Christ in Conflict: a.k.a Reacting in Love not Fear

Sometimes when I try my hardest...call on God for help...pray even...it seems like I'm still stuck in my humanness, with all my Earthly problems & my predictable reactions to conflict! (Sigh). Even as I seek enlightenment, after Spiritual "ah-ha" moments, after feeling like I just might "get it"... I seem to be sucked back down to the gutter in my life as soon as I get into a fight.

To share it simply, I screwed up. My hubby & I had a fight. I fought dirty. I reacted. I lashed out. I felt justified. I took the verbal knife, stuck it in to my beloved and twisted it! And...I had prayed only moments before! I mean, on my knees 911 to God! Arghhhh! Seems like the more emotional I get the less Spiritual I get! What is up with that?

What will it take to turn the other cheek, take the higher road and not lash out "eye for an eye" when I feel threatened?! Is not reacting in such a way even possible for an ordinary God Seeker such as me?

Sometimes it seems that reacting like Christ can only be accomplished by those special souls that are able to meditate for hours, who have tediously studied spiritual doctrine, who are somehow spiritually gifted with a speed dial to the Divine...and the rest of us at best can expect to respond like a predictable broken records with life's needle stuck on pain...pain...pain...pain...

With all the WWJD fan-fare and publicity I just pray that actually "doing it like Jesus would do" is possible in due time! It is my prayer that one day I will react more in line with the Christ-mind when in the throes of "battle" and less with my own. I'm just so frustrated how quickly & easily I went down the road of destruction and how Love was just waiting by the roadside as I rushed by....

When asking "WWJD?", can you actually follow through and do it when entangled inside conflicts emotional web?