I Don't Care What You Think...

Actually, I do care what you think. As a recovering "people pleaser" sometimes I care more than I should. In fact, I've missed out on authentic moments because of the fear that you might not like me. I worry you may not like me because I'm too liberal, or too conservative, too talkative or too boring, too sensitive or too insensitive, too Spiritual or too "churchy", too agreeable or too opinionated, too nice or too harsh... or just too "whatever" to ever be accepted for who I am!

These of course are all deep seated projections and not based on any true feedback... just causing me wasted time worrying about the unknown "what ifs" of my many imperfections. It actually is difficult for me not to care about what others think... not just for a need of external validation but even more because I don't want to be messing up and unknowingly hurt an innocent soul due to my ignorance & stupidity!

Earlier this week I bumped into someone who repeatedly has given me the cold shoulder... and I wondered if I should say something (nicely, but honestly what do you say?) or just let it go? I immediately thought "I wonder if it's me she just doesn't like or if I said or did something wrong?" My first instinct is to worry and wonder if it was it was some kind of failure on my part... the second is to just not like her back. Sigh. I know, I know... Not. Good.

So, here I go... worrying about the unknown... making it all about me. Truth is, maybe I did do or say something unloving or unkind... and I should acknowledge it, and do something about it! If so, I would definitely need to make amends, try and repair any damages, forgive myself and move on. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect... and someone somewhere is bound not to like me. Yet it's also possible it has nothing to do with me at all! That's just the truth... and I am directed to react to those people not with worry, fear or returned disdain... but with love.

When I sense weird vibes or feel I've been snubbed for some unknown reason I am called not to worry about it endlessly nor am I to just let it go! God has a bigger plan for me! God wants me in Peace, but he also calls me to love as He loves. I'm to notice their pain and pray for them, love them in the moment whether or not it's "deserved"! I am called to return their forced smile with a warm one, sincere and full of Christ's Love.

It's not that we shouldn't care about what people think at all, but it is senseless spending time worrying or wondering about the unknown. It is my hope one day I will no longer be controlled by this fear of what people think... but seek to care about how they feel! I will focus more on learning to love. I will let go of my fears and expectations of others. I will not make it all about me, but instead... all about love. I can't please everyone... but I can love everyone.